I'm mad. I'm frustrated. I am ready to throw in the towel right now! I want to quit! I am tired of all of this, and I just seem to go from one mess to another. I went in for chemo this morning and after 15 minutes of the Taxotere running in I had a reaction. Flushed face, bright red chest, chest tightness and pain, blood pressure shot up and very lightheaded. They stopped the IV and gave me another steroid and some Benadryl, waited about 30 minutes and tried again. Same thing again with now tightness in throat and puffy eyes. They finally determined they could go not go further and discontinued the treatment. I then had to wait about an hour for the chest tightness to go away and I felt normal again. I drove myself today because the first treatment had gone so well that I didn't feel like I needed anyone there. I left about noon. I was actually mad I couldn't have the treatment. Who WANTS to have a treatment and here I am mad that I couldn't have it. I am tired of all these bumps in the road!! I just want to move forward! I need to call the oncologist Monday to see what he is going to do now. Change drugs? Try again? Who knows! What an emotional rollercoaster this has been. I am having a hard time holding myself together after today. Just what can go wrong next??? I apologize for the depressing post, but this blog is what it's all about, and this is what it's all about right now for me.
On a somewhat uplifting note, John took me out to get a Christmas tree later this afternoon, and we got the biggest, fattest, tallest tree we could find. That made me a little happier. I love a big Christmast tree and last year's was kind of little.
Tommorrow is a family gathering with my niece, her husband and their adorable little baby whom we haven't seen in a few months( they live in Nashville. She is the niece who stepped in and updated my blog for me the last time I was in the hospital ) and the rest of John's family coming to our house. I am looking forward to getting together and getting my mind off of my problems.
Enjoy the weekend!