Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I put my cancer world in a box today. It is filled with all the tbings that I have encountered thus far in this path. Cards,notes, messages, gifts, books, my chemo journal, my "courage" stone from my SIL (it came with me to every treatment and doctors visit) and my "fearless" necklace from my niece (I wore it every day during my treatment, never once did I take it off), items from my "sisters" that I will pass on to another woman I may meet undergoing breast cancer and the last thing to go in the box will be my wig and scarves. This was not a fork in the road that I would have chosen, but it chose me. This little detour in my life is now over.
It took me 10 days to fully recover from this chemo treatment, far longer than the other three treatments. I can say I was crabby and irritable and thanking god I didn't have to go through any more! It was not fun! I still think it really has not hit me that I can now carry on with my life, although I do have some reconstructive surgery coming up this year.
Have I changed through all of this? I would like to hope so. I now really don't sweat the small stuff. Things that really sent me over the edge before, I just kind of take it in stride. I find myself not getting as mad as I used to about everyday little things that ticked me off (messy bedrooms, crazy drivers, my unorganized household)and I do find myself being kinder to people in general(opening a door for a mom with a stroller full of kids, reaching for some yogurt in the grocery store for the little old lady who can't reach that high or even saying a kind word to the crabby lady checking me out at the grocery store). You never know what path they are going down or what burden they bear. Someone else is always in a worse off situation than myself. I have been able to accept help from friends and family (and this one was hard for me) and have found the true meaning of friendship. For the past 6 months the cancer world has been a part of my life. I am glad to be able to now say GOODBYE!