Crazzzzyyyyy!

"What is wrong with me?" "Why do I feel like this?" "I'm going crazzzzy now!"

These are the words from a song called Disturbia that I like to listen to, not because of the words but because of the upbeat music. I actually have to smile when I hear those words because sometimes I am going crazy during all of this. LOL

January 12th was my 4-month anniversary! My surgery anniversary. Since my diagnosis I have been to a hospital/dr's office 30 times, been in the hospital 11 days and have had 3 surgeries. I have seen over 35 different doctors both in and out of the hospital (that includes residents and interns), I have had 2 of 4 chemo treatments, 2 treatments were discontinued because of an allergy to the chemo drugs, 2 treatments were canceled due to low white blood cell counts. My bill from the hospital for my physician charges is 10 pages long. I get at least 2-3 mailings from my insurance company daily. I have made friends with the pharmacist at Target who knows me by name. My hair has fallen out, grown back some and fallen out again. I have not shaved my legs or arms in over 2 months. I love my recliner. My eyelashes are falling out. I have tried more drugs in the past 4 months than in my whole lifetime. I have to carry a yearly pocket planner now. I have my doctors numbers programmed into my cell phone. I haven't gone to get my hair cut in months. I look forward to the mocha coffee from the coffee dispenser at the Breast Care Clinic. I now only have to wash my hair/wig every other week. I have had more needle sticks than I can count. I can now find my way around the clinical cancer center without asking. Some of the nurses at the day hospital know me by name. I have yet to wear a bra since my surgery. My head gets cold at night. I have had more stitches than I care to think about. I have 2 more surgeries to look forward to until my reconstruction is complete. I have cried, I have laughed and I have screamed!!! Crazy you say! Ahhhhhh yes, some days I can say I am!

My Project 365 kit arrived on Friday. The above photo is the photo I snapped today on my way to work. I sort of feel like I am on that train track going on and on and on. I think this project will get me to be more creative in my picture taking. So far I have been keeping up on a daily basis. Some days I don't think I have anything to take a photo of but then something comes to me. I am enjoying doing this so far. It is a nice distraction for me!

We are expecting some snow tonight with below zero weather coming up later this week. My kids are planning on a "cold day" from school. I laughed when I heard this from my daughter but then my son came home from school and said the same thing. The teachers are talking about having a day off of school because of the cold. Honestly! They have more days off from school than I have ever seen. Keep them in school with less time off and they will get out before June. LOL

Two more days (but who is counting) until my lab work!

TGIF!!!!!

Once again, I am overwhelmed with kind words of sympathy and encouragement from friends, family,lurkers to my blog and strangers with the loss of our dog! It has been a tough week for our family. I have been so torn up about losing Sunny that it has been difficult for me to talk about her without crying and I am teary as I write this. I thank you all for being there for me once again.

When I started this blog it was to keep my family and friends informed about what was going on with my life during breast cancer treatment. Over the last few months my blog has found its way across the U.S. to computers of people I will probably never meet, some of those who I share a common bond, going through cancer treatment. My blog has actually been viewed in 41 states, some of which I am sure were random blog surfing. Never did I imagine that I would be the source of encouragement or hope or even inspiration to someone else going through what I am going through right now. Starting the blog to keep my own mental sanity has turned out to be so much more than I ever imagined.

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On a lighter note,,,,,,, or is this a lighter note,,,,,,,



I am staring to lose some eyelashes! I love my eyelashes!!!!! Let's hope that they all don't disappear!

funk

The last two days have been pretty emotional for me. The day after Sunny died I had to be at the hospital by 7 am for another blood test to see if my white blood cell count had improved from 700 the week before. They needed to be 1500 to be able to get chemo that day. I waited until 7:35 before they even called my name. The nurse had trouble getting a vein this time (this is the first time this has happened) so 2 sticks later they finally got blood samples. By the time I went to the day hospital it was 8 am. Then finally at 9 am I got the word that my white cells were only up to 900 this week. Go home and come back next week for another try. Great! Just what I wanted to hear after dragging my butt out of bed and getting little sleep the night before because I am so sad about Sunny. I came home to an empty house and cried. My Sunny was not at the door to greet me this time. And she was not there to lay next to my computer as I did my transcription work in the afternoon. I managed to endure the day, climbed into bed at 9 pm to read, texted my friend Cathy at 10ish for a few good laughs and finally the Benadryl I took put me to sleep.
I worked this morning and am now home doing my transcription work. I hope this funk is gone by tomorrow!

Sunny
January 1, 2000-January 6,2009








My heart is so filled with sadness over the loss of our beloved Sunny. The only comfort I have is that she is no longer in any pain
There will never be another Sunny.

New Project

After visiting my nieces blog who is a very avid scrapbooker, I was intrigued by a new scrapbooking kit that was soon to be coming out on January 1st. Am I a scrapbooker? No, not at all, but the concept behind this kit sounded so easy that I thought I would give it a try because I DO take a lot of photos, especially now with my new camera. What is the kit? Take a photo every day for the next year, organize them in this kit with all the supplies they include and after one year you have a one-year photo journey. Can I do that? I am not sure, but I am going to give it a try. Jess, you will be proud of me if I succeed. LOL I went to this website and with all the hype and promotion it was difficult to get through and order. I placed an order, it did not look quite right, and then this week got a confirmation that I indeed would be getting one of the kits. The website crashed due to an overload of scrapbook junkies who were trying to get their hands on one of these kits. I guess I will be very lucky if one arrives at my door! So for now, while waiting, I am taking one picture a day and will wait to see if the kit arrives.

Tommorrow, bright and early, and I mean early (labs at 7 am, what was I thinking??!!) I am headed to Hotel Froedert for another blood test. Please say a prayer that my white blood counts are up so I can get the treatment!!

"Stuff"

There is something about January every year that makes me start to reorganize and throw out. I think it starts with putting the Christmas decorations back up in the attic. We have lived in our house for 14 years so you can imagine how much "stuff" we have collected in that time. Today I spent part of the day in the attic, reorganizing and throwing out. Some parts of the attic have not been touched in years, while other "stuff" has been sorted through from time to time. Several things brought a smile to my face...... the little white gloves that Natalie wore when she made her first communion..... the little paper mache mask that Billy made when he was in grade school..... ice skates that were practically brand new that Natalie "had to have"......Christmas sketches that Billy made when he was little (he went through a phase where he liked to draw)....the red rocking horse that Aunt Sandy bought for Natalie when she was very little....the Brio train table that Grandpa Bill made for Billy to put his train track on..... matching rocking chairs with the kids names on them. Amidst the empty boxes and junk there were lots of memories and lots of "stuff" that was just too important to part with. I think I will keep this "stuff" for many years. If it brings a smile to your face it is just too important to part with.

New Year

"This is a time for reflection as well as celebration.

As you look back on the past year and all that has taken place in your life,

Remember each experience for the good that has come of it
and for the knowledge you have gained.

Remember the efforts you have made and the goals you have reached.

Remember the love you have shared and the happiness you have brought.

Remember the laughter, the joy, the hard work, and the tears.

And as you reflect on the past year, also be thinking of the new one to come.

Because most importantly, this is a time of new beginnings
and the celebration of life."

Let's Just start the New Year out right!

Well, I am back at home already. I could not have chemo! My blood count was too low even after all the Neupogen injections I had. My basic WBC count was borderline and when the break down came through from the lab my neutrophils were only 700 and needed to be 1000 to be able to have chemo. Needless to say, I am frustrated and little angry! I am so tired of delays. I have to go back on Wednesday for another blood test and hopefully the counts will be up. So stay tuned next week.........
Ughhhhhhhh!

Happy 2009!
John and I ventured out last night for the first time in several years. We went to some friends' house for dinner. We were home by 11:50 and in bed by midnight. I think I am getting old!

Another year ahead. I can honestly say that 2008 was probably the worst year of my life and I am positive that I will have a healthy 2009. I will have 2 major upcoming surgeries this year (replacement of my lost soft tissue expander and then the final implant swap)and 2 smaller surgeries, nipple reconstruction and tattooing. Yes, I said tattoing. I have always secretly wanted a tattoo (please don't tell my mother, she would be mortified), but really never wanted one on one of my boobs. LOL My plastic surgeon said he does not want to start anything until I was feeling really good after my last chemo (which will be the end of January). Tomorrow I start the year out with a bang and go for chemo #3.

I ran into an old friend today that I have not seen in several years. We chatted for quite awhile. It seemed like we had never lost touch. Both of our lives have changed dramatically in the past several years. I know that what I have gone through has changed me as a person. After talking with her, I knew that she had also changed as a person because of her past experiences. Yet as friends, it was still the same old, same old. You can pick up where you left off. That is what is so great about friends! It honestly made my day to run into her and share our lives for a few minutes (well actually it was about 30-40 minutes LOL)

I have a short update on Sunny. As you can see from the above photo she has been able to get around outside in the yard now that all the snow has melted! She has really sort of perked up now that she is able to get out more. She loves to run the boundary of the yard and smell the scents outside. She is still walking only on 3 legs and I doubt she will ever use her bad leg again. She seems to be doing okay right now. She is getting thin so we are spoiling her rotten with all kinds of good food to try and keep some weight on her. She loves tater tot casserole!

We got a call from our breeder that the puppies we have been waiting for were born on Saturday! The dog had 6 females and 4 males so we will have a choice of 2 females to pick from (we are 5th pick for females). We are going out to see them next weekend. Now we need to think about puppy proofing the house. We are all excited to get a new pup in the house, but we are arguing about the name. Natalie does not particularly like the name we are considering. John said that Natalie has no say in the name what so ever because she has never picked up a pile of poop from the yard from Sunny. LOL We will see who wins this argument.

I hope that all of you have a happy and healthy 2009!!!!

Movies,movies, movies

As I sat in my chair last night I realized I have seen 4 movies in the past 2 weeks, two on DVD and two in the theater. Upon the recommendation of my 14 year old we rented Dark Knight and Step Brothers. I honestly can't give you a review of Dark Knight because I fell asleep about half way through (maybe even before the half way mark) and woke up at the end. According to my husband it was long and kind of boring! As for Step Brothers if you want to see a stupid funny movie and are not offended by foul language and talk about body parts this movie was pretty funny in parts, but very stupid in others (maybe why my son loved it and said it was hilarious, it is a movie for kids actually).

On Christmas Day, as tradition for the past several years, our family went to see a movie. We chose the Curious Incident of Benjamin Button. Two thumbs down from the kids "long and boring" from the daughter and "this movie sucks" from the son. John and I found it to be pretty good, although it was way too long (we felt it could have been shorter). If you are looking for an action packed keep you on your seat movie this is not for you. This is the chronological story of a man born old who becomes younger as the movies goes on. It is his life story. I would recommend it if you would like to see something different.

John and I went to see Doubt with Meryl Streep yesterday. I love Meryl Streep. I thnk she is great actress. We both loved the movie. Great acting! Again, this is not an action packed movie but the story of a nun and priest in a tightly run Catholic school. I would highly recommend this one!
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*I am feeling great as of a now. I only had a one-week period after the chemo where I just felt lousy, but was back to normal after that. My next chemo is Friday morning. What a way to start the New Year. My hair has actually started to grow back. I think because of the 2 treatments that really didn't work my hair started growing and as of now what I have has not fallen out since the last chemo. Kind of weird. I am not sure if the 1/4" stubble will fall out or what. If you can believe this my hair is WHITE! I think some dye may be in order after all this is over. YIKES!
Happy Monday!

Christmas memories

The weather was a little uncooperative this year!


Everyone had fun looking for the pickle on the tree!


Everyone dined on prime rib!


Of course, we couldn't forget the annual family photo.






Love was in the air!







We have come to expect the unexpected!




And laughter and good times were had by all! Merry Christmas 2008

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Round Robin

Last night was our yearly "round robin" dinner party that I always look forward to. I was a little worried that I might not be able to make it this year due to my chemo dates and how I would be feeling but it all worked out. We are a group of 7 couples that have been doing this dinner party for over 15 years. We used to do the traditional round robin where you go to one house for appetizers, one house for dinner and one house for desserts but over the years we have become old and are actually down to 1 or 2 houses. The best part of the evening is when the ladies get together and exchange gifts. These are some of the funnest "girl" gifts ever and this year was no exception!!!! I always come home with some fun things that I just would not buy myself but would love to have. Good drinks (champagne for me this year! whooohoooo!) good food and good friends to celebrate the holiday season. It doesn't get any better than that!

Snow Day!

For those of you who wish you were here or for those of you who haven't had enough this was the scene Friday morning after Mother Nature decided to drop 13 inches of snow in our yard in a matter of about 7 hours. I ventured out to get my nails done around 11:30 and roads were in good shape. Son went sledding, daughter went to to a movie and hubbie painted my kitchen for me. I love 3 day weekends!

Bing!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vPfOjAw5Z0

One of my favorite holiday movies!

I'm a Grinch on this one!

One of my biggest holiday gripes is the radio! I can not stand any radio station in our area during the holiday season because they subject us to the cruddiest holiday music ever. Don't get me wrong I love Bing and I love Nat but why must we listen to "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus", Elvis Presley singing "I'll have a blue Christmas without you" (that just makes me want to vomit) and Jingle Bell Rock when there are so many great songs by CURRENT artists. And as for WMYX playing Christmas music even before Thanksgiving, well... that is unAmerican and I refuse to listen to that station at all. I have my CD player loaded up with my own music and I will listen to Amy Grant and Manheim Steamroller to get me in the holiday spirit.
As for the radio stations... BAH HUMBUG!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

As a blogger there are some days that I don't actually have anything to write about or I think that you don't want to constantly read about my day to day living with my breast cancer treatment. It is usually on those days that something is in my email box that prompts me to post because it is so worthwhile to me and I feel it is worth sharing. That is the case today. I found this in my email box, opened it, watched it, cried and had to post. Thank you Ann for sending it my way!

My post today is simply put ....
Thank you to all the women I know! You have all made a difference in my life!!
I love you all!

Update-Weekend

Just a quick update to let you all know that I am feeling good! The only complaint I have is that I am tired and a bit nauseous if I don't keep taking the anti-nausea meds. I finished decorating the house, sent out my second batch of Christmas cards, made some candy, caught up on wash and cleaning and slept in both on Saturday and Sunday and napped both days as well. I got a lot done! Yayyyy! Billy's migraine was short lived. Thank goodness he didn't have some bug or something. Natalie's pink eye is pretty bad. It prevented her from working this weekend and swimming in a swim meet she was signed up for. Her eyes look better today, but looking at them makes MY eyes water. They are still pretty red and swollen. Poor thing! Sunny is still limping, no change with her.
As you can see, my cat Macie had to nap as well this weekend. This is her new sleeping spot as of the last two days. Isn't she sweet!!

Just a typical Friday!

Woke up this morning tired. Probably because I woke up in the middle of the night for 2 hours, maybe from the steroid. I am not sure. Grabbed my morning coffee and was feeling a bit of a headache. Downed two ibuprofen and my anti nausea meds and got ready for work. I am running late today. Thank goodness the hair only takes about 30 seconds to get it in order. LOLOL Daughter comes down "look at my eyes" Looks like pink eye to me. Darn! I search thru the medicines thinking I have some eye drops from before. Of course I can not find then. Off to school she goes. Head to work(get there at 9:15) and get a call at 10:30, son is in the nurses room not feeling well. Head back home, pick him up from school, drop him at home (he heads to bed with a bad migraine) Hop back in the car, get a call from the daugher "my eyes are worse, the school nurse says it's pink eye" Ok, bring yourself home I say. Now at 3:00 I am headed to the clinic with her for some eye drops. I am now back at work with my stomach in my throat not because I am nauseaus but because the husband decides that he is going to go on top of our strip mall roof and get the ice out of the gutters. I am always so nervous when he is up there that he will slip and fall and then who will make my morning coffee!!!! I think I need a nap! TGIF!